Null and Void

I am shocked with what I have done to my life. I have drowned my innocence, stabbed my goodness and killed  my true self too soon. I do not know what I want, I do not have anything to give and I cannot foresee my future, not even dare to dream about it. I am too engulfed with pain; I wish those occasional outbursts of desire would stop too. I need to be nonchalant, I need to be numb. Do you hear me; yes you upstairs? Or will you pretend deafness as all else around me. This is a free-fall, into an abyss of non-existence. Hold me back, support me. Else, let me sleep again... and this time, forever.